When I hit puberty!

             I woke up at night. It was 2:30 a.m. I was feeling thirsty, so got out  of bed. My wife asked in a drowsy voice, “Where are you going?”

“To drink water.”

I got out of bed room. Suddenly I heard something- I followed the sound. It was coming from the drawing room. When I went there, I lost my foothold. My 11 years old son Vicky! It was 2:30 a.m and he was watching Fashion TV. Obviously any father would loose his cool! Even I was not an exception. I just wanted to slap him like any other father. But I stopped myself. That reminded me of something which happened 25 years ago.

                                                                                                                                                                                   

       My father Mr. Barun Sharma was a forest officer. By the virtue of his job me and my mom got the opportunity to travel various beautiful places of India. But that was not enough-You need a friend as well.Transferable job was the only reason why I could never make a good friend. I was the one and only child of my parents.  I was lonely. I remember when I was 11 and dad got transferred to Madhya Paradesh. The posting was near Bandhabgarh National park. Dad was busy in his job and mom was busy in her households. I was all alone! There were so many questions in my mind. I wanted to know everything about the world. What is the mystery behind the world? Who created this? How we came to the earth? Who created us? Previous month, I went to Goa with my parents. It was a beautiful place especially the girls were wearing strange cloths. I had never seen my mother to wear such cloths. Why they were different. Why I felt something very strange!

       My mother was a very sweet, charming and caring person. But don’t know why her  relationship with father wasn’t cool! Father used to shout at her but she never answered back. She used to cry when no one was around. That might be her only fault. She dedicated her entire life to her family and saving relationship. What my father wanted, no body knew. I used to see him drinking and writing poems. He never allowed me or my mother to read those. Even I wasn't interested or you can say that I never respected him. His behavior or attitude was responsible for that.

      I got admitted to the new school. There as usual I was alone.  During recess when I was sitting on the school lawn bench and watching the other children were playing and having fun together, I thought that why I was not with them? Why I was so lonely? Suddenly someone put his hand on my shoulder. I turned back. It was my class teacher Miss.Ayesha Yasmin. I stood up and said, “Good afternoon, ma’am!”

“Why don’t you go and play with them?”

“No one will play with me.”

“But why, honey?”

“I don’t have any friend.”

“You have to talk with the other children.”

“I don’t think that I need friends because after few days once again father will get transferred and we will move to some other place.  When I was in U.P, I got a friend, Swastik. But after few days once again dad got transfer and we had to move to Assam.”

“I got you. Its true that friendship requires time which you don’t have and I also can feel your pain. Its really painful  to say ‘good bye’ to your friend.”

“Yeah ma’am! Its true.”

“Okay then will you be my friend?”

That made me shocked!

“What?!”

“Why not?”

“You are the teacher!”(Actually my mind was set about a teacher. There would be a stick in her hands, wearing specs, monstrous appearance  etc.)

“So what? Teachers also deserve a friend.”

Coming back, I saw dad once again was beating my mother. I went there to stop him. She, as usual didn’t shed a single drop of tear. She went to the kitchen and said, “Change your cloths. I am bringing meal for you.”

That time I was looking at my father with a blank expression. There something strange was happening inside me. “what?” I didn’t know.  All I knew was, I wanted to break his hands. Might be for the first time I was feeling something like that. I went to my room. There were so many thoughts were licking my brain. First of all my father. I wanted to break his hands? That was not the new one. Since my childhood I have been seeing him like this. But I never protested. I didn’t have that courage. But this time what happened to me I didn’t know. I could feel some changes in me. Besides that I was thinking about Miss. Yasmin. Why does she want to be my friend? What I am supposed to react?

       After a few weeks all my confusions were cleared. Me and Miss Ayesha became friends. She was the second friend of mine after Swastik. There was a huge age gap between me and her but still that couldn’t affect our friendship. I used to share almost everything with her.  She, like a best friend, used to hear everything. She was different than my mom but one thing was common between those two ladies-“their caring nature.” For the first time in my life, I trusted someone.

But don’t know why sometimes I used to feel that there is something different between me and her, not only the age but also something else. Sometimes I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be with her. I used to feel insured without her.

       After a month for the parent teacher meeting, father got a call from the school. He was so busy that he didn’t have time to meet with my teacher. But another main problem was my mother wasn’t an educated person so she couldn’t go. Somehow father managed some “precious” time from his busy schedule. In the morning he reached to my school. Miss Yasmin was busy with the other parents- but father’s eyes searched her. That took him to the other world. Twelve years ago in college for the first time he saw her. They fall for each other but there was a huge difference between them-Their “Religion.”  Both of the families were against it. Yasmin’s family left the town and after few days, Mr. Sharma’s orthodox father fixed his marriage with an “Uneducated” “Hindu” village girl. 

  Time brought him back to his old love. He didn’t want that. It was something which was so bitter that he erased everything from his mind long back- It was an old wound! He turned back to walk away but something stopped him-

“Excuse me sir, are you Ayush’s father?”

He turned back. Miss . Ayesha was stunned to see him. She didn’t know what to say or how to react.  Both of them were looking at each other. Father without saying anything, walked away. Coming back, he went to his room without saying anything to mother and closed the door.  That made mother so worried but as usual she kept her mouth shut and was standing outside the room. Father opened his locked cupboard (which he never opened or allowed anyone to open) and brought out some old stuff from there- Old letters, photographs and poems. Tears dropped from his eyes. It was hard to imagine his kind of  a ruthless man was shedding tears. Mother was still outside. Though she didn’t say anything but her eyes were telling everything.

   On the next day father once again went to school. That was a little bit embarrassing to Miss. Ayesha. He asked her,

“How is Ayush doing?”

“Not bad but he needs more care. It’s my opinion about him.”

“There are lots of changes I can see in him.”

“Why not? He is eleven. Changes are inevitable in this age.”

“Yeah I remember when we were eighteen.”

She cut him in the middle and said, “I got to go! Good bye Mr. Sharma. Have a good day.”

She walked away. He was expecting that she would turn for once. But she didn’t. He didn’t go to his office that day. He went home closed the door of his room and recalling his past.

On Sunday, it was Miss .Ayesha’s birthday. I wanted to give her a surprise. So I went to her home. She was so delighted to see me. Both of us were having fun together. Suddenly door bell rang. She went to open the door.

It was my father! Miss Ayesha asked,

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Please Ayesha, let me talk.”

“Go away.”

Hearing my dad’s voice I rushed outside and saw everything. I walked away from her place.

Miss Ayesha didn’t stop me. She looked at father and said,

“You know what? I always curse day when I left the old town- I was going far away from you. The feeling was so painful.”

“I know Ayesha… Even I..”

“Let me finish. Now I curse the day we met. I have no regret for that any more. I am feeling petty on your wife. Poor lady. This is ridiculous that I ruined my life for your kind of selfish human being. Human being or animal – I am not sure about that.”

She closed the door.

Father could not say anything. From there he went to a nearby old park. There he spent few hours. What he was thinking nobody could say that.

After five hours he came back home. Mother was in the kitchen. He entered into the kitchen and asked,

“Do you hate me?”

Mother was shocked! The question made her speechless. Father once again asked her,

“Do you hate me?”

She broke her silence.

“If I say “no” then It'll be a lie. Yes I tried but couldn't.”

“I hurt you a lot.”

“I never cared. All I care is your happiness only. It makes me worried when you come and close the door; when you write those poems- that time I want to burn those pages. Those pages hurt you the most. I don't know what's the reason behind. Fifteen  long years we spent!  But still I don't know about the relationship between you and me. All I know is that I love you and that's enough for me."

Father hugs her. He seemed to be so relaxed and calm that day. After a long long time he got all the answers which he had been searching for.

I was standing outside the kitchen. He said, "You have the right to hate your father."

I said, "May be but I think I am like my mother who forgives everyone! And about forgiving , teacher Ayesha told me; so don't worry I won't." 

For the first time in my life I got the real meaning of a family. Father said,

"Our son is not a kid anymore. You have a regret that you don't have any friend. From today me and your mother will try to be your friends, if you want." He went to his room, opened his cupboard and burned all the poems and photos! 

That day we had our dinner together. That's I call-A perfect happy family! 

On the next day when I went to the school, I wanted to apologize to miss Ayesha but I was shocked to know that our new class teacher was Miss. Chaterjee! Miss. Ayesha resigned. I was so upset that couldn't say sorry to her. I went to her house. Her maid gave me a letter.

"Dear Ayush,

  I hope you are not angry with me any more. But still I want to say sorry to you. You are still young. There is so much your have know. A big big world is waiting for you. So many challenges are waiting ahead. 

My only advice to you is stay calm and try to be a good human being! Hope you remember everything whatever I told you. 

I am escaping! Once again! But trust me I am not a coward. and its a promise to myself , this is for the last time. Yes I am feeling great! You know why Ayush? Because I've got back myself after fifteen years. I know you are confused! My blessings are always with you. You are growing up. Your responsibilities will increase in the coming years. May be in the new place where I am going, there may be another  Ayush or many children like you who need my help.Life is all about discovering new things and most of all, yourself only. There should always be an aim.Search what it is. 

Love you my child! 

God bless you.

Miss. Ayesha Yasmin."

After a long time my son reminds me of that incidence. Nowadays Miss. Ayesha is in Italy. Her book about children psychology has become the best seller. I'm still in touch with her. Nobody knows. She is still a friend , philosopher and guide. My parents are living happily in Simla.  Another thing I remember that its the time to be the best buddy of my son! He is not a little kid any more. I sit beside him. He was stunned and scared as well..I smiled and say,

"Its too late son! Tomorrow we will talk! Okay Buddy?"

"Buddy?!" That definitely made him shocked!