Wounded
I was just back in my flat after office. I can’t call it home; it is a rest house to me. I’m a financial consultant in an MNC, so busy; at least I try to keep myself busy. After 15-16 hours out of 24 hours of working, the 7-8 hours left, I come to this place to take rest that’s it. Someone was knocking the door. It was Priti, my colleague. She is the one & only friend of mine here in Delhi & in my office as well. At least she is not like the others in my office who ridicule me. They ridicule me because I’ve no "facial expression". I never smile & tears never come out of my eyes. I don't prefer to talk much with the people. Priti came to invite me for her wedding. She was so excited. It was quite natural. Wedding is the most special occasion of every one’s life. Giving me the card, she went away.I remember couple of years ago even I was also excited about my wedding too…. I never wanted to remember that incident…. The incident changed my life entirely. Today if people ridicule me that I don’t smile, the incident is entirely responsible for this.
I was like any other girl. I used to smile or have fun……The first thing anyone could notice in me was my "SMILE".I was a girl from Kolkata. My dad was a government officer. Mom died when I was so young in a car accident. So, my dad was everything to me. Both we were the support of each other. Dad like any other dad had so many expectations from me. He always used to treat me like a delicate doll. He always wanted me to keep away from any pain………. I was his life. He was a heart patient.
There was another thing without which, I couldn’t imagine my life. That was my friends group.
I,Tania Banerjee, Sushmita chakrabarty, Nita Bose& Nikhil Sanyal. We were four best friends since our school days. Four of us were diffenet, though we were friends. BEST FRIENDS.
Nita, her dad & my dad were in the same department. She was the most mature, caring& straight forward girl in our group.
Sush was extremely arrogant & short tempered. She was the daughter of a leading business man. Since her childhood she got every thing whatever she wanted. But she might forget the difference between materialistic things like cars, solitaries etc & "human being".
Every body used to like me because of my sweet nature. I was the most beautiful girl in the group & in the school as well. Yeah, I was beautiful but not brain less. I was good in studies but Nita used to say; “Tani, you are an emotional fool, with lack of common sense & practicality….” She was right. I used to live in my own world of dreams & fairy tales… Practicalities & all that were too boring for me.
& last but not the least, Nik, son of the famous cardiologist Dr. Sanyal. He was brilliant in studies, topper in the class, cute, hardworking. In short an amazing guy. He wanted to be an achiever in his life. According to me he was flawless. About him, my mind was set, he can’t ever be wrong. It was not only my point of view about him but there was another person who had the same kind of point of view for him, she was SUSH.
In the group, every thing seemed to be normal. But the fact was I & Sush never liked each other. I didn’t like her show offing nature of her daddy’s money & most of all the possessiveness of her about Nik. She didn’t like my beauty which she could never able to get by her daddy’s money. She never wanted any kind of compromise in case of Nik. But both we used to rely on Nita. Nita was a cool girl. She always used to support the right thing & the right person.
Nik didn’t know about my soft corner for him. Even I wasn’t sure that I could ever tell him about my feeling for him or not….. I didn’t remember from when I started loving him, I was so young…… I didn’t know about Sush from when she started………!
But about Nik, everyone’s point of view was not the same. Especially Nita’s….. According to her, Nik was self centered, he couldn’t think beyond himself. But Nik used to take every thing so casually. He used to say (smiling): “that’s right; I can’t think anything beyond my career or future. It is also true that I don’t care anything & what’s the prob in loving myself? What’s the prob being highly practical” Like this he used to pull Nita’s leg. Nita used to say: “no doubt that you have a great future, but a human being with out feelings……. One day you’ll realize & I’ll wait for the day”. That was there regular topic to fight. But Sush & I didn’t care. It didn’t mean that Nita didn’t like him. As a friend she always wanted Nik to be perfect. Feelings, emotions would make him a perfect human being. That was the only reason.About my soft corner for Nik, Nita knew. She was worried, because she knew Sush very well.Our life was cool……. Everything was perfect… almost. But expecting total perfection in a relationship was baseless. No one can be perfect completely.
I remember when we were in the XIIth standard, one day when we went to watch movie, I sat besides Nik, and Sush created a scene there by shouting: how dare you sit on my place?” Her behavior seemed like a psychopath. Nita took her out & tried to make her chill. Nik came out made her chilled. That day I’d never forget…..
We were celebrating Nita’s 17th birth day in a restaurant. Nik was sitting between me & Sush. I was sitting a little closer to him. There was a guy, who was Nik’s friend,he came to Nik. He introduced us to him. Suddenly the guy asked him by showing me, “is she your girl friend? Man she is gorgeous; Lucky dude ha?” Sush went out of control; she just shouted & said “how dare you?” The guy was too scared. Nita once talked to Nik about Sush’s such behavior. But he said that he didn’t care about any thing. He just wanted to concentrate in his future & career that’s it… He didn’t want to loose his focus by messing up with such “Bull shit”.
After school, Nik went to the medical college. I choose economics. Four of us were in different colleges. After college I joined B-school. Nita was doing her masters in English literature. Sush was busy with parties & her socialite rich friends. We were living different lives but though we were in touch. On weekends we used to meet…. Few things never changed. Sush’s possessiveness about Nik was still the same & my soft corner for him too.
One day Dad got heart attack…..I was so tensed. But thank God Nita was with me. Nik was busy so he couldn’t able to come to see him in the hospital. But he called me & showed his concern to me. Nita was really disappointed of his behavior. She said to him: “how could you do this dude? I never had any kind of expectation from you as a friend but being a doctor you have some responsibilities I guess. But I was wrong.” & Sush, we never had any expectation from her. But that time she was enjoying her Paris tour. So, we didn’t want to disturb her. We told her when she was back after couple of weeks. She came with an ‘expensive bouquet’ & ‘get well soon’ card. Nik also came to see dad, when he came home from the hospital. After that incident I came out of my ‘world of fairy tail’. I started realizing the difference between the ‘fairy tale world’ & ‘the real world’. ‘Cause I never been in such kind of tough situation in my life. Dad was every thing for me. Only I knew how I saved him! Night after night I spent in the hospital. He was cool, finally. But I had to keep him away from any stress or tension. He was happy to see me, how I handled the entire situation………… I was disappointed too for Nik’s such kind of behavior. But I never told him. It was true that my mind was set about Nik."He can never ever be wrong".But that single incident wasn't enough to change my point of view about him.because no one could imagine how much I loved this guy.
Well, Nik completed his MBBS; he was doing his post graduation & practicing together. I after completion of my B-school, joined an MNC; Nita, became a high school teacher; Sush’s life didn’t change at all. All we were busy in our lives. But our friendship didn’t change.
On Nik’s 26th birthday party, something happened which changed my life. The party was at his home. All his friends were invited. There he did something for which I had been waiting since my childhood. In front of every one there, he proposed to me. It was ‘a dream came true’ kind of situation to me. But Sush ruined that special moment of my life…as usual she create a scene. She was out of her mind…… She was shouting “how could you do this to me Nik?” She threatened me: “I’ll kill you,bitch”……. Then she went away…. I never liked her, but that time I could feel how she was feeling…. That was the difference between me & her. I & Nita were really worried about her…. Nik was not worried but irritated. Nita went to Sush’s house to see her….. Even I wanted to go with her, but she stopped me &asked me to stay there with Nik. She knew how special moment it was for me. But before leaving, she said “congratulations! What ever you wanted, you’ve got it. But still I want to tell you that………” She stopped, & said: “enjoy the evening”….. I asked her what she wanted to say. She just smiled & said: “good night"& went away…. It was so shocking that Nik was behaving absolutely normal & enjoying the party. I was worried about Sush. I didn’t know but I was not feeling comfortable there. I talked to Nik about Sush. He said: “look Tani, I never promised anything to her. It was her one sided love. Even for her I had to be embarrassed every single time. She is a good friend that’s it. Look at yourself, you are beautiful. It is quite natural to choose you instead of her. Just be practicl. Now forget every thing, just chill & enjoy”…… I was a little shocked to hear that, after so many years of friendship, he found just one quality in me &that was my ‘beauty’, that’s it & nothing else?‘practicality?’ I said: “wait! Do you really love me?” He said (smiling): “I’ve proposed to you ……. I know you are upset because of her. Okay, okay I’ll call her? Now, chill”.
Dad gave the permission of mine & Niks' wedding. Sush’s parents sent her to London.
Finally it was mine & Niks’ wedding. I was so excited, so happy. I was going to marry that guy, who was my childhood love. Dad was happy too, to see me happy. Actually I didn’t want dad to take more tension or stress…. . So I & Nita were handling every thing. But I was not feeling well….. It was right that I never liked Sush, but she was my childhood friend. My wedding without her…….! Nita said: “are you out of your mind? You know her very well…..” I didn’t listen to her & mailed Sush & asked her to come back.
Yeah, she kept my request. She came back, couple of days before my wedding. I went to her house. I wanted to talk to her. Our relationship was always bitter. I was sick of that. So I wanted a new beginning of our friendship. Her parents were not at home.
I entered into her room without knocking. Whatever I saw it was totally changed my entire life.Nik & Sush were doing something that took my breath away…….. They were on bed. Seeing me, they were both shocked. I without saying anything just walked away. Nik was calling me back but I didn’t. Sush was shouting: “let her go Nik”….. My senses stopped working. Just stopped working….. Why? How? Coming back home, house was full of guests….. Dad was so happy. I stood in front of him. Seeing my face, he asked: “are you okay Tani?” I just said: “Just stop all these....” Every one was shocked there. I went to my room. I wasn’t that condition to say anything. Dad & everyone were asking me what the matter was. Then Nik came & in a very casual manner said: “come on babe stop overreacting. I can explain. She coming back from London called & asked me to meet her in her house. She just seduced me & it was a very week moment that I lost the control that’s it. Why don’t you take it casually? We are not kids anymore…. You know I love you. Now cheer up. The day after tomorrow our wedding…I’m sorry okay?” &he hugged me. I said: “casually? The entire thing was too casual to you? Every single time I over looked your every single fault. I never listened to any body. But today? Just get out of here”. He, by shouting said: “what the hell you think you are? Can’t you understand what I’m saying? Okay to hell with you& this wedding”.
Dad heard every thing. Once again he got heart attack & hospitalized. But this time, I couldn’t able to save him. Nita was with me. Nik, Sush no one came.
After dad’s death every thing seemed to be quite suffocating. I decided to leave Kolkata forever. I moved to Delhi & joined another MNC. I was in touch with Nita. After few months she told me that Sush & Nik were getting married. I didn’t care actually. I lost every thing including the last support of my life, my dad. Feeling, emotions every thing were just gone from my life. I asked Nita not to tell me anything about them.
Today it has been two years…… In the morning I was getting ready for my office, Nita called me. She never called me in the morning.
She said: “you told me not to tell you anything about them, but I have to. Their married life wasn’t happy. You know Sush’s nature. & she was under psychiatric treatment. I don’t know every thing. Because we couldn’t able to meet or talk in phone like before. But few days ago Nik came to me & I noticed some changes in him. He was upset. He was regretting for some thing. He didn’t tell me clearly. But for the first time in my life I saw him like that & I was really happy to see him. He said one thing to me ‘Nita, once you said that one day I’d realize every thing……. The entire life I took every thing so casually. But the problem is when I started realizing it is too late.’ He was asking me to give your number. But I didn’t.”
I said: I don’t wana hear anything, I told you…..She said: You should know one thing…. & She started weeping….. I asked: What happened?
She said: Nik has committed suicide. He shoot himself.I couldn’t say anything.
Suddenly I noticed something was coming out from my eyes after a long time- TEARS.On the other side of the phone Nita was asking: “Tani are you okay? Can you hear me? Hello…….”