My first love

5/5/08
Dear diary
I was too tired after yesterday night's party. My eighteenth birthday!! Dad says, "Monalisa, this is the beginning of a new chapter of your life." Who knows? May be yes..don't which kind of surprises are waiting for me ahead..!!!!!!!
Waking up in the morning, I was felling so good. It was a different kind of feeling. It was not like any other day. I was telling myself, “I’m 18…I’m adult….I’m a free bird.. “OH MY GOD!”…It was 8:30! Anyhow I had to reach to the zoology department at 9…
What a perfect timing! Mr. Roy or Mr.Debanjan Roy just entered into the department..  He was wearing a blue shirt & black pant. Today he was looking awesome. But what is new? He always looks awesome.
“Good morning, sir”, just to say this to him, every single day I reach to the department at 9. My classes are at 10… I had a huge crush on him from the very first day of the college. That’s the only reason why I every single day reach to the department before everyone.. But shockingly Sid also come to college in the same time every day!9 a.m. I'm always curious to know the reason. Today I once again asked him-"why?". But as usual, he couldn’t give me a satisfying answer…. He lives in his own world.He has  his own logic. Sometimes I can’t understand him.As usual, we went to the cricket ground; He said: Today, you are looking so pretty. I said: every single day you say the same.He said: But seriously I want to say you something.I asked: What? He was shying…. I suddenly remember I brought his favorite chocolates.
I said: cool, but first of all you take it.
He said:” you know what you are the only girl who is my friend because you are different than the other girls. Most of all, you understand me more than anyone else. I don't need to  tell you what do I want. You can read my mind.”It is really a question to me, he is smart, the star player of the college, cute….. Every girl is running  him. But he is my best friend only. I asked him, what did he want to say. He said: may be some other time….



15/05/08
Dear diary
Today after the practical class Sid wanted me to come to his match practice. He said: “Today I will tell you something.” I was busy in making reports after the practical. Every one left the department after the class. Only I, Sid, Mr.Roy were there. Sid lost his patience by holding my hand he was about to take  me to the ground. Suddenly Mr. Roy called me, “young lady, can u come & assist me? Because my lab assistant is absent today.” Oh my god! He was asking me?! I just jumped  “SURE”… Sid was holding my hand; I by releasing my hand from his hand went to the lab with Mr. Roy… I was just mesmerized… I didn’t even look back… I  entered into the lab and after 5 mins, I remembered that I forgot Sid…. I took permission from Mr. Roy to go to the ground just for 5 mins…. He gave me the permission… I stepped out the door of lab…… I was so shocked!!! Sid still standing right there…. His face was pale. When I came close to him, I saw that his eyes were red. I asked him,” Are you okay? What are you still doing here? You are getting late for the practice. Even I was coming to the ground to say you sorry”. He by his trembling  voice said “I’m okay”….. & walked away… His today’s behavior made me really confused.
I spent about 3 hours with Mr. Roy. It was my life’s most amazing 3  hours…..! His smile is so cute! The way he talks……. Oh!!! I wish I could tell you, how much I love you. Can you hear what my heart says to you? 3 hours passed so fast like 3 seconds. After completion of the work, we together got out of the department. Smiling, he said “thank you, young lady”…. I was saying in my mind: "anything for you"

……
17/05/08
Dear diary
Today, Sid & I had a fight. I wanted to know what he wanted to say, but I, wanted to tell him about my feeling to Mr. Roy. When we were sitting on the ground bench, I asked him:” What did you want to say? Well, you know what I also wanted to say you something”. He said: okay, you say first.I said: I love someone & you know him.He was once again shying, he was smiling. He said: Yeah may be I know, but I want to hear from you?
I said: He is Mr. Roy, I love him. You know, every single day why do I come to college at 9, just to see him & to greet him. My heart beats for him. I can’t imagine my life without him………. It seemed that he dropped from the blue…… His face turned pale. His smile disappeared from his face. He shouted: R you crazy? You are 18, he is 59. He is married; he has two kids who are older than you. Get out of this stupid crazy feeling!!…. This is just madness. Have you ever thought about the future? What you will do? I was so angry with him, I said: I thought you that you are my friend that’s why I told you. But you………. Look, this is my life, my choice. "I just told you, I didn’t ask for your opinion, got it?"I walked away…. He asked me to come back. But I didn’t. I was extremely disappointed.
18/05/08
Dear diary
Today, at 9 Sid was there like every day. He said sorry to me. Even I was missing him too. I knew him from the very first day of college. We never fought before. Yesterday how I spent the entire day without talking to him, I don’t know. But I got to know that yesterday during batting he was out on a DUCK. It was unexpected from a good player like him. We patched up again.
Today, Mr. Roy was late. It never happens. He is known for his punctuality. Sid said that he saw him to enter into principal’s room. Oh thank goodness. Today he came to the department at 9:45.
He was looking so upset. His cute smile was missing. Don’t know why… Today he was teaching genetic code. His voice was down… Couldn’t ask him, I didn’t have the right. But sir I don’t like to see you like this.


6/08/08
Dear diary
Sid was really excited for his tomorrow’s cricket match. He wanted me to cheer for him. Of course I’ll… But I can’t miss Mr. Roy’s practical class. But his match is in the afternoon. After the class, I’ll join…



7/08/08
Dear diary
Oh my goodness! I just can’t imagine what happened today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was just like a dream to me.
In the practical class today it was a Pila which we had to dissect. A creature, who’s nothing can be distinguished, its nervous system we had to find out?! Mr. Roy came to me and asked: “any problem, young lady?” To show me how to hold that, for the first time he touched my hands. For me, the world stopped turning…It was the moment which was……………I can’t explain. I forgot every thing. After the class I went back to home. Didn’t know what happened to me…. I was imagining so many things....... I couldn't able to hear any sound or I couldn't able to see anything..... There was nothing in my mind…just the “Touch”….

8/08/08
Dear diary
Oh no! How could I forget? Yesterday I missed Sid’s match! What a bad friend I am…! How could I be so selfish? His cell was switched off. In the college, I got to know from his team mate, he didn’t play yesterday. …WHAT? Stupid fellow…
He said that he was unfit… But he was perfectly alright yesterday…. Why he did that?


10/12/08
Dear diary
It was “bolt from the blue”….Mr. Roy is retiring in the January. My heart stopped beating. … That means I can never able to see him? Or greet him “good morning sir”? Or listen to his voice? I can’t even imagine my life without………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? That means few months ago he was upset after the conversation with principal, it was may be about his retirement…. Now I got it…


28/01/08
Dear diary
His farewell ceremony…. He is shifting to Delhi. It was painful for every student…… But for me, it was the time…………………. For the last time I was seeing him. For the last time I was listening to his voice. Last sentence of his to me, “all the best for your future”… he left the department & turned back to say his last good bye….I just couldn’t stop my tears… Sid was right there besides me….



29/01/09
Dear diary
Today Mr. Chaterjee is taking  the charge of the department. He is also a good teacher. Today why did  I reach to the department at 9? Don’t know… Nothing was cool. Today Sid, as usual was there. Today I once again asked him the same old question: “why”? We, like every day went to the ground, there he answered me finally. Today his answer was quite satisfactory. He said “only for you”…. I didn’t have single word to say…his eyes were saying so many things which I never listened before…. I asked him: what do you mean?He held my hand and  said: “Like that day I will not let you ti release your hand from my hand. I will never let you go far away from me. Before I couldn’t able to tell you this but today no one can stop me to tell you. I don’t care what you will think me after this, but before it is too late I want to tell you that I love you… yes, I love you more than anyone else in the world; love you more than my life. No one can imagine how much…… Please don’t leave me ever, ‘cause I don’t want to loose you. You are my life. That’s what I always wanted to say……. That’s it….” He made me speechless. I looked into his eyes and smiled.