Justification!

My mind was full of thoughts. I was confused. Everyone was congratulating me on my achievement, but nothing could satisfy me. There was something which I didn’t want to face. But I had to. I had to face her and the reality. Arti is someone whom I call, the real inspiration of my life. She had always been with me even in my hard days. I remember when I was struggling for survival in that village or the hell, how wonderfully she motivated me to achieve my goal. She held my hand tighter in the time of crisis. She spent six years without me. She could leave me. But she was not like those opportunists who are merely the friends of good time.This is the perfect time to say “thanks” to her. But it was hard to look into her eyes.

And the moment came. She went to Hyderabad for the conference of the doctors. That’s why she couldn’t attend the award function. In the afternoon she came to my house.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room… To get rid of the stress, smoking was the only way to me.

She came and shouted, “Dr. Abhijit Biswas, what the hell is this? Throw this awful thing away and show me the trophy?” She threw the cigarette away. 

The trophy was on my shelf. She was so delighted…

“Awww how beautiful! I’m proud you, Abhi.”

That was like someone was scourging me.

“Please Arti, don’t….”

“What?”

“Don’t praise me like this.”

“Oh baby, it’s your generosity”…

“No you are wrong! I’m not a great person. I broke someone’s trust.”

“What? What’s wrong? You seem to be so disturbed! Tell me what the matter is?”

“I broke your trust.”

“I don’t get you. Please tell me everything clearly. Just feel free Abhi”.

I looked down. She came to me and kissed on my forehead and said, “Please tell me, honey.”

I started.

“I have been following some principles in life. I never wanted to make my profession, a business! And like everyone, after completion of MBBS, I didn’t open a clinic in the city to earn money. I always wanted to do something for the society and those underprivileged people of the remote areas of the country. This was the only reason why I went to a remote village of U.P. There I witnessed the real evil of the society. People were still living in the medieval age. There was not a single school or hospital or dispensary…… Just nothing. In short, it was a hell! Neither education nor any social security nor social equality and the biggest one, “CASTE SYSTEM”. People who belong to the  upper caste, to them. lower caste people were just nothing but  insects…dirty nasty worms. Those who tried to raise their voice, they suppressed those in a ruthless ways.   

It was not an easy task for me to be there. Only I know how I opened the dispensary!  Everyone avoided me. Illiterate people didn’t have much faith on modern medical facilities. They had enough faith on the local byaids and occult methods and incantations of enchantment etc. I remember how people used to get scared of the name “polio drops”…. It seemed to be like someone was poisoning their kids.

Arti cut me in the middle and said, “I know everything. I remember you used to write me letter every week because there was neither a phone booth nor anything. Even the post office was 10 kilometers away from the area. Then some tribal people gave you shelter and they helped you to spread the light of modernity”. You told me everything.”

“Did I tell you about Mahua?”

“Mahua?”

“It wasn’t an easy task to open the dispensary there. I went door to door and tried to grow awareness in them about modern medical facilities. One day I called everyone in the dispensary in the evening. The topic was “Why Polio drop is necessary!

Suddenly a shout stunned everyone there.

“What’s going on here? Just stop all these nonsense, you dogs!”

I said, ‘we are not doing anything wrong or illegal here. So what’s your problem?”

The leader of the upper caste community said, ‘What are doing here? Teaching these dogs?”

I said, ‘hey mind your language. They are also human being and they have right to live. Who they hell are you to snatch away their right to live and education? The time has changed. The Constitution abolished the land lord system. Every one is equal. No one will get discriminated on the ground of caste or religion. I will educate them. One day they will be self sufficient and no one will give you damn. I’ll see who will stop me!’

A man there got violent and attacked me. Suddenly some one appeared there like an angel and saved my life. The body was like a sculpture of black stone. The sculpture was made by the God, himself. She turned and looked into my eyes. Her eyes stopped my heart beat. Her eyes mesmerized me. She said something but I didn’t understand her language. But she with her deep black eyes said, ‘everything is all right. Leave it to me.’ She fought with them alone. I had never seen such a brave woman in my life. Seeing her, for the first time those weak tribes stood up and started fighting with them. It was amazing. The people who never opened their mouth in front of these upper caste rich people, today held weapons to throw them away. She walked away without saying anything. Some one told me that her name was Mahua. Her family was killed by those upper caste people because her father and brother denied accepting the supremacy of those people.

 It was the new beginning. I was shocked to see their desperation to be free; Desperation to break the cage and fly high. 

I woke up in the middle of the night. Those eyes…. I couldn’t forget those eyes and the way she was looking at me.    

The next day I went to file an FIR to the local police station. But it was quite clear to me that the police was absolutely corrupt and the slave of those rich upper caste people. I was confused and exhausted. Didn’t understand what to do!

I came back. Coming back in the dispensary, I was stunned to see Mohua again! She took a kid with her. His name was Surya. He was eleven years old, local boy. I didn’t understand her language but her eyes were enough to make me understood everything. For a while I was lost in her those deep black eyes. Surya got fever. So she took him to me for his treatment. She also brought some fruit for me. She thanked me with her eyes. Mohua and Surya used to come almost every day. Three of us became friends. We spent very good time together. She brought back my childhood. Three of us sometimes enter into people’s farms or gardens and had fun just like children. She was a strange combination of bravery and innocence.”

Arti was listening. She with her trembling voice said, “You every week used to write letters to me. In those letters you shared almost everything. But you never said anything about this friendship”.

“I wanted to hide her from everyone. It’s hard to explain. Why did I do that? But there was something in her which was attracting me towards her. She helped me a lot to spread awareness among those tribal people. She was the true friend of mine. Actually both of them- Mohua and Surya. The major hurdles were those upper caste people and their pet police. Suddenly I got an idea! I contacted one of my journalist relatives and told him everything and the rest is history. Media was the weapon which helped me to reach the goal. That helped me to wake the Government up. The Government which always over looked the place and the people. The newly appointed SP took those corrupt upper caste people one hand. He reopened all the old case files. Shortly they were all behind the bar. Within few years a new school was inaugurated and many other major changes happened. It was a revolution!

One night after a hectic day when I was taking rest in my room, Mohua knocked the door. She brought some sweets for me. That day I was too tired. Suddenly I had a strange kind of feeling …. She was looking different that day. Her long wavy hair, her deep black eyes were increasing my heart beat. I was sweating. Don’t know what happened to me but I held her from behind. She didn’t stop me. That seemed to be that she surrendered herself to me. And……………”

I stopped……. Tears were coming out of Arti’s eyes. She was silent. Me too.

But I had to tell her everything. So I continued…

“In the morning I realized what did I do!!!!!!!!!!! I was totally screwed. Was desperately trying to get out of that situation….. Why did I do that?  Mohua enters into my room. I was sweating and was extremely tensed! She came to me and asked what the matter was. I told her about you. She was looking into my eyes with a blank expression. She walked away. I went to the dispensary like every day. Suddenly a man came to me and took me to a place.

When I reached there, I lost my foothold. It seemed that the world stopped turning to me. I was in front of Mohua’s dead body. She committed suicide. Surya was standing besides me. I looked at him. He seemed to be so angry with me and his eyes were full of hatred. He walked away from there.

Loosing a friend was not easy to anyone. Only I was responsible for everything. Only for me and my weakness ruined a life. A young, brave very good girl had to loose her life. I went there to give them life. But for a while I felt like a killer. And I am still feeling this. I am a killer. A doctor saves life. But I…………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a month, on Republic day, the Government decided to honor me. I went to the stage. But when I came down from the stage, I saw Surya was standing there.. I thought he had forgiven me. I asked , “How are you?” He didn’t say anything. He tightly slapped me. One tight slap. Might be God sent him to punish me. He snatched away all the bouquet and the other gifts from my hand and threw away.”

I stopped and asked Arti, “now what will you say? Or you also want to slap me like Surya?”

She was still weeping!

She said, “Don’t ask me anything. Only I know how much I missed you in the last six years. I never thought about anyone else. I remember every week I used to wait for your letter. I trusted whatever you used to write. I was worried about you. I love you. Respect you. My love is not that easy that will get evaporated for this reason within a moment. Yeah I am hurt… I am hurt… I can’t deny. But I still love you and nothing can stop me to love you. I have forgiven you.”

I held the trophy and said, “Why they gave me this trophy? According to them I did a great job. I am great and all that. I would like to tell them that education, better livelihood; better health facilities are the rights of every human being. If I was concerned about those people, I didn’t do any favor to them. It was a duty of a human being and a doctor as well. The slap of Surya was an eye opener to me. He was right-these awards and all that don't have any worth! I don’t deserve the award because I am a killer. I killed an innocent girl who was my friend and broke someone’s trust. I knew it that you would forgive me; But I asked myself, could I ever able to forgive myself?”

Arti, “What!?”

“I have decided to return the award and to move to another village of Rajasthan. I’m sorry. I know I’ve hurt you a lot but not any more. You deserve a good life. I am sorry , Arti. This is the only way of expiation of mine and it will be the proper justification of my work.”

Arti was silent. I stood up and went to the window. The sun was setting down!
I'm feeling pretty good right now, but I hope we can just win the whole thing and I can run off into the sunset and say good-bye.